I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.