Colin Mochrie's Quotes

I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine.

There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting.

There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky.

When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage.

You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school.

The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge.

Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine!

We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second.

Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises.

Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had.

And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie.

I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned.

We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out.

Give me liberty or a bran muffin!

Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin!

Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?

I do enjoy working with Ryan although he owes me money.

I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot!

I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work.

I'm handsome, no ands, buts or ifs.