Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.

Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.

When you doubt, abstain.

Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.