It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

There is more sophistication and less sense in New York than anywhere else on the globe.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.