I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

I love to work. I love doing standup.

I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.

I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography.

I'm basically always on tour.

I'm not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

I'm not an artist. I tell inappropriate stories and jokes and I try to make people laugh.

I'm on every worst-dressed list imaginable.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

My act has always reflected what's going on in my life.

My act is based on my life.

My friend Anderson Cooper is the scion of one of America's great shipping and railroad families, the Vanderbilts.

Remember, folks, I am a comedian, not a journalist.

So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.

That's life when you're on the D-list.

That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don't know they are.

The thing that bums me out about 'The Real World' is I don't want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

Well, Jon Hamm isn't a real celebrity.

When I'm going to see a comedian, I don't want to see them hold back, and when I'm reading a book, I don't want to hear an abridged version.