Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.