I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

I'm a little different from the average dude because I'm on high-def TV now.

I'm aging, and the world is seeing it.

I'm from New York.

I've always wondered, what am I going to do that's important with these stupid jokes that I tell.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

It seems to be a common denominator with a lot of comics, this low self-esteem thing.

It's my insecurity that makes me want to be a comic, that makes me need the audience.

My career has been my craziest adventure.

My kids are growing up and it's hard to accept they are their own person and they're independent.

My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.

The best comedy, I feel, comes in a drama because it balances each other out.

The only thing I miss from the sitcom format is that immediate gratification of when you're, if we're talking about comedy, of the live audience.

Well, I'm a 14 handicap. Anyone who golfs knows what that means.

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

You know, a TV show is a slow build.

You know, before I would think, my cab driver hates me. Now I think my limo driver hates me.

Each day it's like: 'How many more days am I going to feel young and vibrant? I feel young and vibrant now, but I also feel the aches and pains a little bit.

Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they're born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.

I'm always giving myself the Alzheimer's test. My shrink told me to do this. It takes one minute. You name every word that comes to mind that begins with the letter F.