Dane Cook's Quotes

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.

In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums and feels sorry for himself when something's bad.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.

I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.

I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.

I get so into the moment.