I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

I was a horrible student.

I'd never hurt another person.

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.

I'm a sort of nuts-and-bolts guy. I'm into turning wrenches and swinging a hammer and wrenching on cars.

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

I'm not a Republican.

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.

I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.