If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric.

I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages.

The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it.

There's only two kinds of music I don't like... Country and Western.

I'd love to be popular in Barcelona. That sounds like a fun job.

Are there any swamps in Oklahoma? Yes, there is. It's called Tulsa.

I'm a legend in this sport. If you don't believe me, ask me.

It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone.

There's nothing better than a good, blind referee.

A friend in need is a pest.

Have you ever been to Glens Falls? The city limits signs are on the same post.

Hawaii's the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam.

North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?

There's the downtown area of Tupelo. Did you see the skyscrapers? Two stories.

You can win, it'll just cost you some money.

You'd have a good voice, if it ever came out of your throat.