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Steven Wright's Profile

Brief about Steven Wright: By info that we know Steven Wright was born at 1955-12-06. And also Steven Wright is American Comedian.

Some Steven Wright's quotes. Goto "Steven Wright's quotation" section for more.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

Tags: Car, Gone, Stop

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Tags: Memories, Past, Whenever

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

Tags: Good, Mistakes, Morning

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Tags: Future, Off, Side

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Tags: Car, Home, Leave

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Tags: Kept, Mind, Trying

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

Tags: Car, Friend, Friends

If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?

Tags: Drown, Rest, Swimmer

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

Tags: Paint, Small

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

Tags: Keep, Perhaps, Seen

I like to reminisce with people I don't know.

Tags: Reminisce

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Tags: Happen, Light, Turn

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Tags: Drive, Fast, Worry

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Tags: Coffee, Put, Time

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Tags: Asked, Washington, Whipped

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Tags: Dictionary, Misspelled, Word

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Tags: Heat, Wave

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Tags: Missing, Tired, Weather

I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.

Tags: Dead, End, Sure

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

Tags: Buy, General, Store