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David Sedaris's Quotes

David Sedaris profile photo

Born: 1956-12-26
Profession: Writer
Nation: American
Biography of David Sedaris

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I don't think my life is more interesting than anybody else's.

Tags: Anybody, Else, Life

I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.'

Tags: Started, Until, Yourself

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

Tags: After, Movies, Times

I just enjoy lying on the couch and reading a magazine.

Tags: Enjoy, Lying, Reading

I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.

Tags: Books, Listen, Tape

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.

Tags: Books, Listening, Time

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

Tags: Reserve, Whatever, Write

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

Tags: Book, Half, Meet

I sometimes read books on my iPad.

Tags: Books, Read, Sometimes

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.

Tags: Family, Show, Won

I think it's important to take chances.

Tags: Chances

I went from having 50 listeners to 50 million listeners.

Tags: Listeners, Million

I'm not a reporter but the 'New Yorker' treats everyone like a reporter.

Tags: Everyone, Reporter, Treats

I've always been very upfront about the way I write, and I've always used the tools humorists use, such as exaggeration.

Tags: Tools, Used, Write

If you read somebody's diary, you get what you deserve.

Tags: Deserve, Read, Somebody

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

Tags: Books, Compromise, Learn

No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

Tags: Dialect, Try, Writes

Sometimes I say to myself, 'Oh, I wish I could win a Tony Award', although I'm not that bothered.

Tags: Sometimes, Win, Wish

The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons.

Tags: Humor, Place, Put

The only real advice you can give anyone is to keep writing.

Tags: Give, Real, Writing

There are lots of things that happen to me that I don't write about.

Tags: Happen, Lots, Write

To say that a humorist exaggerates to get big laughs, I don't see how that's big news.

Tags: Big, Laughs, News

When I look at a lot of older stuff that I've written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard.

Tags: Hard, Humor, Writing

When you read comic material and people aren't laughing how do you know they're listening.

Tags: Laughing, Listening, Read

I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.

Tags: Since, Thinking, Writing

I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it OK to cry.

Tags: Makes, Time, Writing
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I just think that the people who say: 'That's not true' when someone tells a story at dinner are the people who didn't get any laughs when they told their story.

Tags: Someone, Story, True

I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.

Tags: Love, Time, Writing

I love getting attention, just like a child loves it, and it's never worn off. So when people say, oh the book signings go on, why would I shoo away someone who's giving me attention? What part of standing in line for 10 hours to say how much they love you is bad to you?

Tags: Bad, Love, Someone

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

Tags: Someone, Understand, Why

My sister Tiffany told me years ago, 'You can never write about me.' Then she called six months ago and said she wanted to be in a story. She was worried people thought I didn't like her.

Tags: Said, Thought, Wanted

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

Tags: Hate, Moving, Thought

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

Tags: Ask, Less, Someone

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

Tags: French, Generous, Plumbing

It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'

Tags: Birthday, Nice, Time

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

Tags: Change, Idea, Keep

After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.

Tags: After, Art, Parents

My family isn't really all that different from anyone else's. Well, maybe they're a bit more entertaining.

Tags: Anyone, Else, Family

Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

Tags: Mouth, Rules, Sometimes

But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.

Tags: Between, Either, Laughed

I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.

Tags: Morning, Someone, Winning

I guess my guilty pleasure would be listening to the British audio versions of the 'Harry Potter' books.

Tags: Books, Guilty, Pleasure

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

Tags: Funny, Love, Someone

What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.

Tags: Call, Dark, Funny

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

Tags: Good, Policy

I don't have email.

Tags: Email

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

Tags: Books, Lives, Wretched

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

Tags: Book, Started, Writing

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.

Tags: Diaries, Keeping

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

Tags: High, Mind, School

Actually I liked that 'Let the Right One In,' that Swedish vampire movie.

Tags: Actually, Movie, Vampire

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

Tags: Someone, Truth, Used

As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.

Tags: Foreigner, Foreigners, London

Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.

Tags: Fairly, Nervous

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

Tags: Humorist, Pretended, Reporter

But most good movies have a gun in them.

Tags: Good, Gun, Movies

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

Tags: Away, Boy, Exaggerate

I always knew I wanted it to be illustrated.

Tags: Knew, Wanted

I don't like being left to my own thoughts.

Tags: Left, Thoughts