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Henny Youngman's Profile

Brief about Henny Youngman: By info that we know Henny Youngman was born at 1906-03-16. And also Henny Youngman is American Comedian.

Some Henny Youngman's quotes. Goto "Henny Youngman's quotation" section for more.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Tags: Brother, Car, Lifeguard

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

Tags: Buy, Love, Pay

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

Tags: Another, Doctor, Him

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!

Tags: Him, Son, Time

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Tags: Buy, Happiness, Money

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

Tags: Afford, Doctor, Medical

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

Tags: Living, Mother, She

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Tags: Anniversary, Love, Wife

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.

Tags: Ready, Tell, Wit

Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

Tags: Die, Men, Why

Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

Tags: Drink, Suffering, Why

A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

Tags: Poor, Student, Teacher

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Tags: Car, Gift, Pay

My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.

Tags: Army, Himself, Time

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Tags: God

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Tags: Cemetery, Scout, Talent

If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.

Tags: Again, Life, Overseas

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

Tags: Dresses, She, Wife

She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

Tags: Gown, She, Wear

She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

Tags: Girl, Match, She