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Robert Orben's Quotes

Robert Orben profile photo

Born: 1927-03-04
Profession: Entertainer
Nation: American
Biography of Robert Orben

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Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

Tags: Inflation, Savings

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Tags: Away, Fitness, Health

I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Tags: Best, Girl, Heart

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Tags: Crisis, Fight, Humor

Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket.

Tags: Big, Happiness, Small

Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years.

Tags: Humor, Starts, Wildfire

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

Tags: Concept, God, Used

The chance to be seen as a warm, witty guy is too good an opportunity for a politician to miss.

Tags: Chance, Good, Guy

The secret of writing comedy is to know where it's all going, then get ahead of it.

Tags: Comedy, Secret, Writing

What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

Tags: Minds, Off, Tv

With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!

Tags: Bust, General, Luck

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Tags: Humor, Mean, Remember

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Tags: Food, Funny, Health

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Tags: Graduation, Students, Success

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Tags: America, Business, Work

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

Tags: Children, Funny, Hand

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

Tags: Vacation

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

Tags: America, Morning, Work

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Tags: Life, Mother, Society

To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

Tags: Blame, Computers, Human

I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

Tags: Children, Home, Parenting

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Tags: Girl, Great, Love

Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

Tags: Ask, Problem, United

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Tags: Deep, Feeling, True

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Tags: Days, Keep, Losers

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

Tags: Feeling, Politics, Reason
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Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Tags: Flies, Time

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Tags: History, Time, True

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Tags: Air, Place, Put

Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'

Tags: God, Saying, Time

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Tags: Keep, Temptation, Touch

Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Tags: Government, Place, Taxes

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Tags: Favor, Kids

Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

Tags: Failure, Success

If you can laugh together, you can work together.

Tags: Laugh, Together, Work

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Tags: Problems, Suffering, Taxes

Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.

Tags: Rather, Sometimes, Wisdom
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