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Tom Lehrer's Quotes

Tom Lehrer profile photo

Born: 1928-04-09
Profession: Musician
Nation: American
Biography of Tom Lehrer

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I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing and writing and writing and quit. Every now and then I wrote something, and every now and then I didn't. The second just outnumbered the first.

Tags: Job, Second, Writing

I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.

Tags: Problem, Song, Write

My last public performance for money was in 1967. For free, it was 1972, with the exception of two little one-shot, one-song things. But that's just for friends, out of friendship for the people involved, and also because it was fun.

Tags: Friendship, Fun, Money

The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Tags: Ability, American, Color

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Tags: Depends, Life, Piano

Bad weather always looks worse through a window.

Tags: Bad, Looks, Weather

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

Tags: Shut, Trouble, Wish

Apart from that Mrs Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?

Tags: Apart, Enjoy, Lincoln

An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.

Tags: Ego, Her, Lose

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

Tags: Away, Put, Wanted

You can't be satirical and not be offensive to somebody.

Tags: Offensive, Satirical, Somebody

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Tags: Problems, Shut

Life is like a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Tags: Depends, Life, Put

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

Tags: Peace, Political, Satire

It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Tags: Age, Dead, Thought

It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.

Tags: Age, Dead, Year

Think as you work, for in the final analysis, your worth to your company comes not only in solving problems, but also in anticipating them.

Tags: Problems, Work, Worth

Be prepared, and be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

Tags: Deeds, Good, Prepared

Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your .

Tags: Counting

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

Tags: Fellow, Hate, Love
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I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand.

Tags: Obnoxious, Stand, Whom

I wasn't really a performer by temperament.

Tags: Performer

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Tags: Maturity, Senility, Trying

If a person feels he can't communicate, the least he can do is shut up about it.

Tags: Feels, Shut

In my youth there were words you couldn't say in front of a girl; now you can't say 'girl.'

Tags: Girl, Words, Youth

Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.

Tags: Easy, Hard, Wit

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

Tags: Funny, Laugh, Laughter

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

Tags: Becomes, Food, Sex

I didn't feel the need for anonymous affection, for people in the dark applauding. To me, it would be like writing a novel and then getting up every night and reading your novel.

Tags: Dark, Night, Writing
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