My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.

All cities are mad: but the madness is gallant. All cities are beautiful: but the beauty is grim.

All students can learn.

The trouble with wedlock is that there's not enough wed and too much lock.

We call a child's mind 'small' simply by habit; perhaps it is larger than ours is, for it can take in almost anything without effort.

We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up.

If you have to keep reminding yourself of a thing, perhaps it isn't so.

It is unfair to blame man too fiercely for being pugnacious; he learned the habit from Nature.

Man, an ingenious assembly of portable plumbing.

New York, the nation's thyroid gland.

No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention.

Only the sinner has the right to preach.

People like to imagine that because all our mechanical equipment moves so much faster, that we are thinking faster, too.

The misfortunes hardest to bear are these which never came.

Why do they put the Gideon bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's usually too late?

Words are a commodity in which there is never any slump.

If we discovered that we only had five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them.

A man who has never made a woman angry is a failure in life.

There are three ingredients in the good life: learning, earning and yearning.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way.