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Stephen Colbert's Quotes

Stephen Colbert profile photo

Born: 1964-05-13
Profession: Comedian
Nation: American
Biography of Stephen Colbert

See the gallery for quotes by Stephen Colbert. You can to use those 8 images of quotes as a desktop wallpapers.
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You shouldn't listen to us at all if you're looking for information. We don't take ourselves seriously on any level; we're just comedians.

Tags: Looking, Ourselves, Seriously

I used to write things for friends. There was this girl I had a crush on, and she had a teacher she didn't like at school. I had a real crush on her, so almost every day I would write her a little short story where she would kill him in a different way.

Tags: Girl, School, Teacher

I spent my first two years at a small all-male college in Virginia called Hampden-Sydney. That was like going to college 120 years ago. The languages, a year of rhetoric, all of the great books, Western Man courses, stuff like that.

Tags: College, Great, Small

My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.

Tags: Brother, Child, Said

No, my mom kind of led me toward acting. She wanted to be an actress when she was younger. That made me interested in it when I was a kid, because she and I are very close.

Tags: Acting, Mom, Wanted

The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character wants, everything in between is like trapeze work.

Tags: Between, Character, Work

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Tags: Agnostic, Atheist, Balls

Truthiness is tearing apart our country, and I don't mean the argument over who came up with the word. I don't know whether it's a new thing, but it's certainly a current thing, in that it doesn't seem to matter what facts are. It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

Tags: Country, Mean, Opinion

In order to maintain an untenable position, you have to be actively ignorant. One motto on the show is, 'Keep your facts, I'm going with the truth.'

Tags: Keep, Motto, Truth

The interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you.

Tags: Grief, Size

Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

Tags: Character, Wonderful

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

Tags: Prove

I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

Tags: Famous, Law, Time

And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.

Tags: Love, Serve, Yourself

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

Tags: Free, Rather, Time

There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

Tags: Friends, Gay, Hell

I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?

Tags: Time, Used, Why

It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

Tags: Everyone, Matter, Opinion

All I can do is today and tomorrow and have some idea of what we're doing next week. That's all I can worry about.

Tags: Today, Tomorrow, Worry

I deliver my Truth hot and hard.

Tags: Hard, Hot, Truth

I don't like books, they're all fact, no heart.

Tags: Books, Fact, Heart

I love being onstage.

Tags: Love

I wrote things for the school's newspaper, and - like all teenagers - I dabbled in poetry.

Tags: Poetry, School, Teenagers

I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.

Tags: Junkie, Love, News

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

Tags: Assassin, Boxing, Worthy

I'm an actor. I hate to blow everyone's illusions.

Tags: Actor, Everyone, Hate

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Much more quotes by Stephen Colbert below the page.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

Tags: Here, Jokes, Laugh

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

Tags: Minute, Takes, Writer

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

Tags: Dollars, Million, Order

Status is always ripe for satire, status is always good for comedy.

Tags: Comedy, Good, Status

We have this idea in our minds that there's this separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing.

Tags: America, Good, Idea