Boys are beyond the range of anybody's sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.

He who hesitates is sometimes saved.

The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is anybody's guess.

A drawing is always dragged down to the level of its caption.

There is something about a poet which leads us to believe that he died, in many cases, as long as 20 years before his birth.

All men kill the thing they hate, too, unless, of course, it kills them first.

Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.

Discussion in America means dissent.

Don't get it right, just get it written.

It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption.

Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person.

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.

The difference between our decadence and the Russians' is that while theirs is brutal, ours is apathetic.

The dog has seldom been successful in pulling man up to its level of sagacity, but man has frequently dragged the dog down to his.

There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.

You can fool too many of the people too much of the time.

You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.

The appreciative smile, the chuckle, the soundless mirth, so important to the success of comedy, cannot be understood unless one sits among the audience and feels the warmth created by the quality of laughter that the audience takes home with it.

Last night I dreamed of a small consolation enjoyed only by the blind: Nobody knows the trouble I've not seen!