Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of unhappy situations.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

I'm nuts and I know it. But so long as I make 'em laugh, they ain't going to lock me up.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

Our principles are the springs of our actions. Our actions, the springs of our happiness or misery. Too much care, therefore, cannot be taken in forming our principles.

God's children and their happiness are my reasons for being.

Exercise? I get it on the golf course. When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics.

I left home because I was hungry.

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.