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Tommy Cooper's Quotes

Tommy Cooper profile photo

Born: 1921-03-19
Profession: Comedian
Nation: British
Biography of Tommy Cooper

See the gallery for quotes by Tommy Cooper. You can to use those 7 images of quotes as a desktop wallpapers.
Tommy Cooper's quote #1
Tommy Cooper's quote #2
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Tommy Cooper's quote #5

A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'

Tags: Dog, Help, Looking

A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'

Tags: Age, Bad, Woman

I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.

Tags: Quite, Sure, Used

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Tags: Kids, Off, Police

Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.

Tags: Gone, Last, Night

I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'

Tags: Asked, Said, Yes

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'

Tags: Actually, Said, Today

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Tags: Car, Give, Great

So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'

Tags: Put, Said, Thought

I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.

Tags: Four, Funny, Today

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

Tags: Marriage, Married, Wife

More of quotes gallery for Tommy Cooper's quotes

Tommy Cooper's quote #5
Tommy Cooper's quote #5