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Larry David's Quotes

Larry David profile photo

Born: 1947-07-02
Profession: Actor
Nation: American
Biography of Larry David

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I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.

Tags: Embrace, Panic, Stay

I wanted to make a living, but I really was not interested in money at all. I was interested in being a great comedian.

Tags: Great, Living, Money

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

Tags: Break, Run, Running

I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about - people and laughter.

Tags: Energy, Happy, Laughter

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Tags: Anymore, Enough, Therapy

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

Tags: Good, Happened, Life

My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.

Tags: Driver, Helps, Life

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny.

Tags: Funny, Might, Talk

Well, after the divorce, I went home and turned all the lights on!

Tags: After, Divorce, Home

Well, I always think the worst things are going to happen here, because I'm - basically inside, I'm a bad person, and so the bad kind of takes over.

Tags: Bad, Happen, Here

You write about what you know.

Tags: Write

It has to do - I think - with growing up in an apartment, with my aunt and my cousins right next door to me, with the door open, with neighbors walking in and out, with people yelling at each other all the time.

Tags: Door, Next, Time

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

Tags: Actually, Walk, Wherever

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

Tags: Kept, Quite, Writing

Anytime I'm involved with anything that's well-received, it's a surprise to me.

Tags: Anytime, Involved, Surprise

At first, I didn't realize it was gonna be a character. I just thought I was gonna be doing me.

Tags: Character, Realize, Thought

Drugs scared me.

Tags: Scared

I am not honest.

Tags: Honest

I believe in something.

Tags: Reading, Said, Stand

I defy anyone to produce any evidence that the word 'happy' has ever crossed my lips. I am not now, nor have I ever been, 'happy.'

Tags: Anyone, Happy, Word

I don't have many friends.

Tags: Friends

I don't like people cleaning my room.

Tags: Cleaning, Room

I don't like to make a big splash anyway.

Tags: Anyway, Big, Splash

I don't like to say anything good. I feel like I'll jinx myself.

Tags: Good

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

Tags: Tv

I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.

Tags: Big, Pretty, Small
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I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

Tags: Birthday, Funny, Wife

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

Tags: Cab, Drove, Job

I have no secrets.

Tags: Secrets

I have quite a house. People come over and I go, 'I know, I'm sorry.'

Tags: House, Quite, Sorry

I have reservations about everything I do.

Tags: Audience, Energy, Off

I just wanted laughs - that's really what I was after.

Tags: After, Laughs, Wanted

I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.

Tags: Learned, Night, Place

I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.

Tags: Done, Life, Tell

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

Tags: Hero, Michael, Moore

I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized.

Tags: Become, Comedy, Started

I think that what people imagine they're going through is much worse than what they are going through.

Tags: Imagine, Worse

I'm a walking, talking enigma.

Tags: Enigma, Talking, Walking

I'm a walking, talking enigma. We're a dying breed.

Tags: Dying, Talking, Walking

I'm anti-cheese in a salad.

Tags: Salad

I'm cranky.

Tags: Cranky

I'm not interested in closure. Some people just have heart attacks and die, right? There's no closure.

Tags: Die, Heart, Interested

I'm not quite as anonymous as I was.

Tags: Anonymous, Quite

I'm one of the idiots that negotiates after I write.

Tags: After, Idiots, Write

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.

Tags: Driving, Yeah

If I was going onstage, of course I would talk about it. How could I not?

Tags: Talk

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

Tags: Country, Home, Perhaps

It's not every day that you get to be affectionate around something, it just doesn't happen that often.

Tags: Happen, Often

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

Tags: Comedy, Coming, Hear

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

Tags: Divorced, Forget

Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, Man Gets Married!

Tags: Married, Says, Seen

Most of the time I'm thinking, I'm glad that scene was improvised.

Tags: Scene, Thinking, Time

Most people think I'm immodest.

Tags: Bad, Jokes, Stop

My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.

Tags: Background, Mostly, Sloth

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

Tags: Bowl, Mush, Shocked

Obviously comedic styles do change.

Tags: Change, Comedic, Styles

OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy.

Tags: Happy, Ok

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Tags: Continue, Nasty, Yell

Perhaps I have a wider range than I'd given myself credit for.

Tags: Credit, Perhaps, Range

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

Tags: Glamorous, Mirror, Sure

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

Tags: Addition, Nuts, Salad

The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.

Tags: American, Food, Hot

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

Tags: Anymore, Change, Pants

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

Tags: After, Home, Thinking

There's nothing that reflects me. I'm unreflectable!

Tags: Reflects

Until I started doing standup, there were some very bleak days.

Tags: Days, Started, Until

Well, as you know, I'm really only happy when I'm on stage.

Tags: Happy, Stage

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

Tags: Discover, Funny, Kid

You know, I'm really not that bright.

Tags: Bright

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.

Tags: Change, Life, Moving

I guess I still feel that I'm a comedian; if I had to pick one thing that I feel like I could do, it would be that. That doesn't mean that I like it, but I feel that's what I am.

Tags: Guess, Mean, Pick

When I was living in New York and didn't have a penny to my name, I would walk around the streets and occasionally I would see an alcove or something. And I'd think, that'll be good, that'll be a good spot for me when I'm homeless.

Tags: Good, Living, Walk

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

Tags: Lonely, Money, Wife

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

Tags: Couple, Him, Place

When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time. Being in public, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street - things like that.

Tags: Life, Time, Trying

All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.

Tags: Bad, Life, Perfect

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

Tags: End, Put, War

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

Tags: Happen, Shows, Write

In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, which, I might add, was three times as long as service in the regular army, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfill my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.

Tags: Acting, Honest, Said

Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.

Tags: Life, Religion, Someone

The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it.

Tags: Best, Mom, Time

There's a sense of spontaneity, and no emphasis on jokes in this show. People generally talk the way they talk in life if you were in this particular situation.

Tags: Life, Sense, Talk

Woody Allen likes to do a lot of master shots. He likes to get the whole thing in one take, and so you could be going along doing a scene, and then the next to last line, all of a sudden, you stumble, and you have to go back to first base.

Tags: Last, Next, Whole

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

Tags: Fight, Fighting, Place

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

Tags: Bad, Sometimes, Try

I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.

Tags: Actions, Sometimes, Surprised

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Tags: Future, Good, Homeless

I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it's hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.

Tags: Hard, Tough, Wonderful

I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny.

Tags: Bad, Funny, Good

When you're not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.

Tags: Concerned, Freedom, Work

I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.

Tags: Tolerate

I don't think anyone really is interested in reading about my emotional state. It's not even interesting to me.

Tags: Anyone, Emotional, State

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Tags: Suffer, Trying, Woman

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Tags: Bald, Love, Women

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

Tags: Comfort, Half, Wide

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

Tags: Quiet, Rather, Shout

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

Tags: Away, Flirt, Woman

I've led this empty life for over forty years and now I can pass that heritage on and ensure that the misery will continue for at least one more generation.

Tags: Generation, Life, Misery

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Tags: Anyone, Hair, Head

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

Tags: Feeling, Funny, Truth
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