All the world loves a good loser.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.

The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.

It's the good loser who finally loses out.

Men are not punished for their sins, but by them.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money.

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.