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Jerry Lewis's Quotes

Jerry Lewis profile photo

Born: 1926-03-16
Profession: Comedian
Nation: American
Biography of Jerry Lewis

See the gallery for quotes by Jerry Lewis. You can to use those 8 images of quotes as a desktop wallpapers.
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From 1936 on, I have taken more falls than any other 20 comedians put together. From the time I was 21, I've taken them on everything from clay courts to cement to wood floors, coming off pianos, going out a two-story window, landing on Dean, falling into the rough. You do that and you're gonna have problems.

Tags: Put, Time, Together

I never got a formal education. So my intellect is my common sense. I don't have anything else going for me. And my common sense opens the door to instinct.

Tags: Education, Else, Sense

I tell young comics, 'Do you want this badly enough? It's there. But you have to go get it. And if you think I'm going to give you the key to the lock of that door, there is no key, there is no lock, and there is no door.'

Tags: Enough, Give, Young

I think the cartoons that they're children are watching, particularly 'The Simpsons,' they're OK. I think that the adult audience is making much too much of the danger that they imply. That's not the case. The danger for children today, honey, is the news. Keep them away from news on television.

Tags: Away, Children, Today

I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.

Tags: Felt, Funny, Smart

Postwar America was a very buttoned-up nation. Radio shows were run by censors, Presidents wore hats, ladies wore girdles. We came straight out of the blue - nobody was expecting anything like Martin and Lewis. A sexy guy and a monkey is how some people saw us.

Tags: America, Nation, Sexy

The young man who's had the Guggenheim fortune behind him all his life - he can hire all the authorities on the subject to teach him how to do a monologue, but he's never going to have the right stuff to pull it off. If he doesn't walk out onstage needing to walk out there, he doesn't have a dream of doing well.

Tags: Him, Life, Young

When I hit around 65, 66, I started to feel tremendous worth and incredible personal esteem. I was becoming very cognisant of my contribution to the American spirit of helping your fellow man and all of the good stuff.

Tags: American, Good, Personal

When I would be myself, I was being big-headed. I was being egotistical. I was a megalomaniac, when it really was just having not to be a monkey for a few hours a day. And fulfilling the need to be a man.

Tags: Few, Hours, Monkey

I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.

Tags: Friendship, Life, Loyalty

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

Tags: Dream, Funny, Woman

I am probably the most selfish man you will ever meet in your life. No one gets the satisfaction or the joy that I get out of seeing kids realize there is hope.

Tags: Hope, Life, Selfish

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

Tags: Feelings, Personal, Politics

Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been winning fortunes, and I've been losing them.

Tags: Best, Love, Time

I get paid for what most kids get punished for.

Tags: Kids, Paid, Punished

I've had great success being a total idiot.

Tags: Great, Idiot, Success

When I was onstage doing the work, adrenaline killed the pain because I never hurt in front of an audience.

Tags: Hurt, Pain, Work

If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans.

Tags: Heart, Pain, Tomorrow

Adrenaline is wonderful. It covers pain. It covers dementia. It covers everything.

Tags: Adrenaline, Pain, Wonderful

I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.

Tags: Hear, Nice, Words

I need the applause.

Tags: Applause

I never tell an audience what they can expect. I never have and I never will. I'm an entertainer for 75 years.

Tags: Audience, Expect, Tell

I've had the greatest respect for my work in this country by Americans. Critics have no brains.

Tags: Greatest, Respect, Work

If you're an old pro, you know how well you're doing when you're doing it, and your inner government spanks you if you're not doing well.

Tags: Government, Inner, Old

People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.

Tags: Famous, Genius, Hate

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!

Tags: House, Pity, Stay
Much more quotes by Jerry Lewis below the page.

We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth... or couldn't get better jobs in the first place.

Tags: Born, Leaving, Place

I really am opinionated, but not for long. I have found myself coming off of what I think of something because the guy I'm talking to makes better sense than I am. I have so many points of view, I can't keep track of 'em, because I talk to too many people... I'm not so opinionated that I won't budge.

Tags: Keep, Sense, Talk

It'll keep you alive for another 10 years if you get yourself a laugh once a day: either provoke it, or look around in the wildest laboratory in the world, the public.

Tags: Another, Laugh, Yourself

People think I'm against critics because they are negative to my work. That's not what bothers me. What bothers me is they didn't see the work. I have seen critics print stuff about stuff I cut out of the film before we ran it. So don't tell me about critics.

Tags: Negative, Tell, Work

This is the pain pacemaker. I've got a battery under my skin. From that battery are two electrodes that go into the spine where they cut bone away to accommodate it. Now I put on the power here. If I have the pain, the stimulator starts. It's tingling, like when your foot falls asleep, you know?

Tags: Pain, Power, Put

A lot of people resent that I've been in someone's life for 50 years. Why shouldn't people have an affection for me and what I've done? Didn't I have to be genuine for them to buy into what I did? There are children who grow up today who will not have that when they're 55 years old. With whom will they have it? Name an example for me.

Tags: Children, Life, Today

A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.

Tags: Comedy, Her, Woman

Don't you understand how dramatic it is to be a comic? To be a fool, to get people to laugh at this show-off? Milton Berle could take Laurence Olivier and stick him under the table if he wanted to. And so could I.

Tags: Fool, Him, Laugh

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

Tags: Anyone, Else, Funny

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Tags: Drunk, Floor, Holding

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

Tags: Diet, Doctor, Tired

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

Tags: Enough, Once, Work

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Tags: Funny, Love, Might

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Tags: Best, Drunk, Pays

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

Tags: Both, Feet, Show

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

Tags: Dirty, Someone, Water

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Tags: Enough, Work, Young

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

Tags: Friend, Pest, Show

I drink to forget I drink.

Tags: Drink, Forget

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Tags: Chasing, Remember

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

Tags: Money, Poverty, Won

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

Tags: Saying, Time, Wrong

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

Tags: Crack, Ice, Wake

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

Tags: Dean, Drink, Next

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Tags: Actually, Money, Nerves

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

Tags: Low, Sports, Won

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

Tags: Bomb, Noise, Stand

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

Tags: General, Losing, Taken

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

Tags: Dangerous, Friend, Him

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

Tags: Money, Poor, Rich

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.

Tags: Bum, Money, Show

We can afford almost any mistake once.

Tags: Almost, Mistake, Once

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

Tags: Decided, Inside, Table