Joke Quotes

I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with every person.' I am an Indian woman and I'm a kind of double minority in this world.

I never told a joke in my life.

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

I'm looking for laughs, you know? If it take me to flip over a table, if I have to go physical comedy, I will do it. But whatever the joke needs at that particular time, is where I'm dedicated to. I'm not into beating somebody down and beating myself up. I don't do insults and things like that. I don't do it - I'm a storyteller.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

To me, music is no joke and it's not for sale.

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

I joke that a person of color would never make a movie like 'Midnight in Paris.' Nostalgia isn't so enticing.

As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

When I was coaching with the Patriots, the players pulled a practical joke and I said, 'Do you think I'm Charlie the Tuna, like a sucker?' After that, they called me Tuna.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

I used to joke I was a point-and-click actor. My whole process has been about trusting your instincts and hitting your mark.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

In fact, it used to be a joke if you studied at a University.

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.

Scandinavian-Danish cuisine was something quite rustic, mostly known for pastries and smorgasbord cuisine, which in itself has become a joke.

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

I joke, but only half joke, that if you show up in an American hospital missing a finger, no one will believe you until they get a CAT scan, MRI and orthopedic consult.

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?

And I admit it: there's a rather dirty thrill when 700 people laugh at a joke you've written.

You never know when you'll have a bad idea for a worse joke.

I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That's no joke. I have a 'half pipe' in there, too - you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It's awesome. It's the ultimate fantasy.

It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland.

I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.

My friends always joke that I run on batteries.

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.

You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!.

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

U.S. soldiers, with whom I now have more than a passing acquaintance, joke that they track my movements in order to know where they will be deployed next.

I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out.

The joke about SAP has always been, it's making '50s German manufacturing methodology, implemented in 1960s software technology, delivered to 1970-style manufacturing organizations, like, it's really - yeah, the incumbency - they are still the lingering hangover from the dot-com crash.

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.

The moment you think of a joke is the best moment.

When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer.

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners.

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an actor.

I've heard every pie joke in the book. I'm still waiting for an original one.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.

I like to joke that if I had a dollar for everybody who slapped me on the back and said, 'Hey Jeb, you're all set,' I'd be retired now.

A symphony is no joke.

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

'30 Rock' is probably one of my favorite shows. It's just joke after joke after joke.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle, a joke, or a prank.

See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.

I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV.

It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.

I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.

I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.