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Joke Quotes

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The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.

Tags: Intention, Time  ✍ Author: Theodor Adorno

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

Tags: Tell, Truth  ✍ Author: Muhammad Ali

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Tags: Fond, Gods  ✍ Author: Maya Angelou

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

Tags: Face, Times  ✍ Author: Lance Armstrong

A joke is a very serious thing.

Tags: Humor, Serious  ✍ Author: Winston Churchill

Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

Tags: Call, Clever  ✍ Author: Ambrose Bierce

Being raised Catholic myself, I think people who are Catholic tend to carry a lot of guilt. It's almost a joke.

Tags: Almost, Guilt  ✍ Author: Linda Cardellini

So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to have a chance to fly it first and hand it over to him.

Tags: Chance, Him  ✍ Author: Duane G. Carey

It is the test of a good religion whether you can joke about it.

Tags: Good, Religion  ✍ Author: Gilbert K. Chesterton

Postmodernism is among other things a sick joke at the expense of revolutionary avant-gardism.

Tags: Among, Sick  ✍ Author: Terry Eagleton

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

Tags: Humor, Sense  ✍ Author: Max Eastman

A poet in history is divine, but a poet in the next room is a joke.

Tags: History, Next  ✍ Author: Max Eastman

A lot of comics aren't their on-screen personas; Chris Rock isn't always ranting and raving. What I do is make myself this over-the-top character that people either find endearing or they think is a joke. Then I can do anything I want.

Tags: Character, Rock  ✍ Author: Billy Eichner

Television is a medium of entertainment which permits millions of people to listen to the same joke at the same time, and yet remain lonesome.

Tags: Listen, Time  ✍ Author: T. S. Eliot

Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters.

Tags: Christian, Great  ✍ Author: Bret Easton Ellis

The hoary joke in the literary world, based on 'Dreams From My Father,' was that if things had worked out differently for Barack Obama, he could have made it as a writer.

Tags: Dreams, Father  ✍ Author: James Fallows

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

Tags: Far, Hurt  ✍ Author: Bobby Farrelly

What you never want to do is have a story that doesn't track emotionally, because then you're going joke to joke and you're going to fatigue the audience. The only thing that's going to string them to the next joke is how successful the previous joke is.

Tags: Story, Successful  ✍ Author: Paul Feig

A lot of comedies fall apart because they just go from joke to joke, and the characters are all sort of being crazy off on their own.

Tags: Crazy, Off  ✍ Author: Paul Feig

We need to get rid of the Federal Elections Commission. It's a joke. It doesn't enforce the law.

Tags: Elections, Law  ✍ Author: Russ Feingold

Cut out all these exclamation points. An exclamation point is like laughing at your own joke.

Tags: Laughing, Point  ✍ Author: F. Scott Fitzgerald

I love doing theaters, cracking people up, hearing them physically roll in the aisles. But we need to get serious. These are serious times. No joke. No joke.

Tags: Love, Serious  ✍ Author: James Gandolfini

All he cares about is going out there with his Jack Daniels bottle. Nothing has changed. That's kind of sad. If David was doing better than he used to be, then that would be different. But it was a joke and he made it that way.

Tags: Sad, Used  ✍ Author: Sammy Hagar

Historically, Heathrow has been something of a joke, outweighed by its excellent connections. We have to aspire to having an airport at Heathrow with two runways which is a world-class airport. It's a big challenge.

Tags: Big, Challenge  ✍ Author: Philip Hammond

Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke.

Tags: Generally, Sure  ✍ Author: William Hazlitt
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I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

Tags: Last, Words  ✍ Author: Mitch Hedberg

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Tags: Irish, Seen  ✍ Author: Katharine Hepburn

A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

Tags: Easy, Thinking  ✍ Author: Alison Jackson

I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

Tags: Distracted, Laugh  ✍ Author: LeBron James

I am a super-confident writer, and as a joke writer and as an actress, I'm like, 'I want to go head-to-head with every person.' I am an Indian woman and I'm a kind of double minority in this world.

Tags: Woman, Writer  ✍ Author: Mindy Kaling

I never told a joke in my life.

Tags: Life  ✍ Author: Andy Kaufman

Everything I say is a joke. I am a joke myself.

 ✍ Author: Karl Lagerfeld

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind.

Tags: Indeed, Mankind  ✍ Author: H. P. Lovecraft

I'm looking for laughs, you know? If it take me to flip over a table, if I have to go physical comedy, I will do it. But whatever the joke needs at that particular time, is where I'm dedicated to. I'm not into beating somebody down and beating myself up. I don't do insults and things like that. I don't do it - I'm a storyteller.

Tags: Time, Whatever  ✍ Author: Bernie Mac

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Tags: Everybody, Perfect  ✍ Author: Norm MacDonald

I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

Tags: Funny, Music  ✍ Author: Ian MacKaye

To me, music is no joke and it's not for sale.

Tags: Music, Sale  ✍ Author: Ian MacKaye

If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.

Tags: Guy, Speak  ✍ Author: Jimmy Nail

I joke that a person of color would never make a movie like 'Midnight in Paris.' Nostalgia isn't so enticing.

Tags: Color, Movie  ✍ Author: Meshell Ndegeocello

As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke.

Tags: Home, Trouble  ✍ Author: Margaret Oliphant

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

Tags: Dirty, Mental  ✍ Author: George Orwell

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded.

Tags: Him, Human  ✍ Author: George Orwell

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

Tags: Funny, Whatever  ✍ Author: George Orwell

When I was coaching with the Patriots, the players pulled a practical joke and I said, 'Do you think I'm Charlie the Tuna, like a sucker?' After that, they called me Tuna.

Tags: After, Said  ✍ Author: Bill Parcells

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

Tags: Gentle, Loves  ✍ Author: Alexander Pope

I used to joke I was a point-and-click actor. My whole process has been about trusting your instincts and hitting your mark.

Tags: Used, Whole  ✍ Author: Daniel Radcliffe

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

Tags: Fart, Gratuitous  ✍ Author: Harold Ramis

In fact, it used to be a joke if you studied at a University.

Tags: Fact, Used  ✍ Author: Tony Randall

The joke in our family is that we can cry reading the phone book.

Tags: Book, Family  ✍ Author: Ron Reagan

Scandinavian-Danish cuisine was something quite rustic, mostly known for pastries and smorgasbord cuisine, which in itself has become a joke.

Tags: Become, Quite  ✍ Author: Rene Redzepi

Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.

Tags: Seriously, Taking  ✍ Author: Will Rogers

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

Tags: Good, Makes  ✍ Author: Rita Rudner

I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

Tags: Comedy, Whatever  ✍ Author: Bob Saget

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Tags: Her, Today  ✍ Author: Rip Taylor

I joke, but only half joke, that if you show up in an American hospital missing a finger, no one will believe you until they get a CAT scan, MRI and orthopedic consult.

Tags: American, Show  ✍ Author: Jacques Verges

What other culture could have produced someone like Hemmingway and not seen the joke?

Tags: Culture, Someone  ✍ Author: Gore Vidal

And I admit it: there's a rather dirty thrill when 700 people laugh at a joke you've written.

Tags: Laugh, Rather  ✍ Author: Henry Wade

You never know when you'll have a bad idea for a worse joke.

Tags: Bad, Idea  ✍ Author: Benjamin Walker

I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That's no joke. I have a 'half pipe' in there, too - you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It's awesome. It's the ultimate fantasy.

Tags: Awesome, Big  ✍ Author: Paul Walker

It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland.

Tags: Become, Someone  ✍ Author: David Walliams

I don't think comedy is necessarily an attack. It's finding humour in life. I don't think if you're making a joke about something you're automatically demeaning it.

Tags: Life, Making  ✍ Author: David Walliams

My friends always joke that I run on batteries.

Tags: Friends, Run  ✍ Author: Paul Waner

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

Tags: Everybody, Writer  ✍ Author: Ron White

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Tags: Nobody, Tell  ✍ Author: Steven Wright

I agree with Sophocles: the greatest luck is not to have been born - but, as the joke goes on, very few people succeed in it.

Tags: Greatest, Succeed  ✍ Author: Zhang Ziyi

You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!.

Tags: Might, Whole  ✍ Author: Rob Zombie

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

 ✍ Author: Louisa May Alcott

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

Tags: Few, Point  ✍ Author: Mose Allison

U.S. soldiers, with whom I now have more than a passing acquaintance, joke that they track my movements in order to know where they will be deployed next.

Tags: Next, Soldiers  ✍ Author: Christiane Amanpour

I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out.

Tags: Comedy, Week  ✍ Author: Clive Anderson

The joke about SAP has always been, it's making '50s German manufacturing methodology, implemented in 1960s software technology, delivered to 1970-style manufacturing organizations, like, it's really - yeah, the incumbency - they are still the lingering hangover from the dot-com crash.

Tags: Making, Technology  ✍ Author: Marc Andreessen

What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.

Tags: Able, Cool  ✍ Author: Aziz Ansari

The moment you think of a joke is the best moment.

Tags: Best, Moment  ✍ Author: Judd Apatow

When I become the village idiot, or at least, it starts to become a joke, you can't do that much longer.

Tags: Become, Idiot  ✍ Author: Joan Van Ark

I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Tags: Tell, Writing  ✍ Author: Dave Attell

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Tags: Tell, Writing  ✍ Author: Dave Attell

I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners.

Tags: Hollywood, Niche  ✍ Author: Hank Azaria

The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.

Tags: Mean, Meaning  ✍ Author: Ronnie Barker

In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.

Tags: Happening, Life  ✍ Author: Lynda Barry

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

Tags: Mean, Thought  ✍ Author: Todd Barry

We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an actor.

Tags: Actor, Wants  ✍ Author: Lance Bass

I've heard every pie joke in the book. I'm still waiting for an original one.

Tags: Book, Waiting  ✍ Author: Jason Biggs

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

Tags: Great, Writer  ✍ Author: Lewis Black

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

Tags: Invent, Retire  ✍ Author: Sara Blakely

What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.

Tags: Changing, Perception  ✍ Author: Edward de Bono

I like to joke that if I had a dollar for everybody who slapped me on the back and said, 'Hey Jeb, you're all set,' I'd be retired now.

Tags: Everybody, Said  ✍ Author: Jeb Bradley

A symphony is no joke.

Tags: Symphony  ✍ Author: Johannes Brahms

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

Tags: Danish, Understand  ✍ Author: Georg Brandes

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

Tags: Gotta, Tear  ✍ Author: Berkeley Breathed

'30 Rock' is probably one of my favorite shows. It's just joke after joke after joke.

Tags: After, Rock  ✍ Author: Alison Brie

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

Tags: Almost, Men  ✍ Author: Joe Bob Briggs

I was raised in a family where no one had a serious bone in their body and every answer was a riddle, a joke, or a prank.

Tags: Family, Serious  ✍ Author: James Brolin

See, justice is a joke in this country, and it stinks of its hypocricy.

Tags: Country, Justice  ✍ Author: H. Rap Brown

A rich man's joke is always funny.

Tags: Funny, Rich  ✍ Author: Thomas Edward Brown

The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.

Tags: Easy  ✍ Author: Sandra Bullock

I always joke that I'm a British actress trying to break into Scandinavian TV.

Tags: Break, Trying  ✍ Author: MyAnna Buring

It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.

Tags: Another, Marriage  ✍ Author: Sophia Bush

I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.

Tags: Someone, Worry  ✍ Author: Sophia Bush

I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.

Tags: Feeling, Trying  ✍ Author: Adam Carolla

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

Tags: Best, Old  ✍ Author: Howie Carr

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